I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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