I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
