hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
