You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
