we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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