You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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