He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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