Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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