White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize