I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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