I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
