I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
