No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
