they need to just BURY HIM!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
