Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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