new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
