Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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