That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
