I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
