i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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