Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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