I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Who died my cat blue again?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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