Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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