After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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