I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
