Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
