Do you still have your period?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
