there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are two peas in an std pod
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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