$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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