I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
