I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
