your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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