he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
