I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
