hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I skipped work to stalk him.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize