I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
