This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
