we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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