Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
