I hope mine doesn't look like that
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
this is an emotional support booty call
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
