P.S. I can't hear my feet
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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