im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
