yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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