and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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