Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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