are you still at the devil's house?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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