i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize