That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
