I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
