we should wear snuggies to the strip club
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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