Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
