I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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