she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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