I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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