Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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