i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
