I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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