absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
