i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
