Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
