I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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