kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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