he thought i was a dude.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
