Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize