i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
