What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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