I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
