why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize