I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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