God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
