Cold hands, warm shart.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
