wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
