I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
