DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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