no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
