Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
