Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
