Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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