You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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