walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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