That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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