I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
