what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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