Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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