So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
