sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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