Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
