I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
