Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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