I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
