Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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