This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
