you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
