So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
