ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
