WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
