I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
