dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
