goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
