ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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