I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
