Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
