why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
