is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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