Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
