It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
