I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
