you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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