the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
