We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize