so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
