just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
